The Return of Jezebel James

Running a mile a minute, as usual, and late for work, Sarah Thomkins calls her assistant buddy, wondering why she has a note on her mirror, “Don’t show leg on Tuesday.” Who is she not showing leg to? Marketing meeting at 10? They like leg. Art department at 11? Leg is fine. Lunch with Chip? Leg’s a plus. Librarians association at 4? Ding ding ding ding ding! That’s the one.

Little Adam Pitzer from across the street shows up at the front door collecting money for his school’s new baseball uniforms. While he’s there, he asks if Sarah writes kids’ books, and why did she kill Brambles McGee. She tries to explain that she doesn’t write kids books; she edits them. So she didn’t kill Brambles McGee; she just made him die faster (and in a better font).

The kid also grills Sarah on why the man she was with left, taking her couch with him. (“There was no one else involved, and I did not make him gay.”) She pushes him out and forgets to give him his money.

Sarah arrives at work. Her assistant Buddy is in a panic because Barnes & Noble still hates the Jezebel James cover. Too dark, too adult. They need her notes by noon.

She stops to chat with Molly, who has brought her granddaughter Zoe to work again and put her at Sarah’s assistant’s desk. Molly still doesn’t recognize Buddy, however, mistaking him for “Dave.”

Sarah asks Buddy to make her a reservation at Blue Hill for 7 o’clock, but she won’t tell him with whom. “Oh, I get it. It’s the mystery man again,” Buddy surmises. The third time this week. It must be serious. No, Sarah says, it’s not serious, and it won’t be getting serious. It’s just sex, no involvement, no commitment. That’s the fun of it. But during her diatribe, she lets slip that the mystery man’s name is Marcus.

Sarah chats with Zoe for a minute, who gushes that “Jezebel is absolutely the best character ever.”

Sarah’s cell phone rings, and Dad is on the other end. He wants to know how big her livingroom is, because he’s found a wonderful couch for her, just sitting there at the corner of 23’rd and 7’th… stained and dirty, with stuffing oozing out of the huge gashes in the fabric. But he promises, give him a week, and he’ll fix it right up. But Sarah doesn’t want the couch. Why not? Has Matt come back? No, Matt did not come back, and he did not bring her couch with him. Dad doesn’t understand what happened. She was with him for 10 years, didn’t marry him, didn’t have children, and her biological clock is tick-tick-ticking. Sarah tells Dad the couch would be great, just to shut him up. But when she looks out of her office at little Zoe, she fondly waves.

Sarah is in her OB/GYN’s waiting room admiring the belly of a very pregnant woman, who warns her not to touch it. The doctor calls Sarah in, and she’s clearly excited about having her own baby. But the doctor has bad news for her. Sarah has Asherman’s Syndrome, in her case inoperable, and she will never be able to get pregnant. But Sarah doesn’t want to admit that, believing that if only she tries hard enough and is determined enough, she can overcome even this obstacle. She finally accepts that there’s nothing she can do. But she doesn’t want to adopt, because it would be like having a stranger in her house, not family. The doctor finally gives her some information to read, and Sarah leaves to think about it.

Marcus is boasting that he can stay up late with Sarah, but Sarah has been distracted all evening. But when he asks if something is wrong, she freaks out and reminds him that they do not discuss personal matters, because those are the rules, so they won’t get attached. Sarah tries to focus on Marcus, but then she starts to cry, an embarrassing “I Love Lucy” wail, and she still won’t tell Marcus what’s wrong, and she doesn’t want to go home. “No, I’m here to have sex with you. Waaaa!”

She finally tells Marcus, the lights will be out, so you won’t have to see anyhow. Marcus is strangely and disturbingly aroused, and they march into the bedroom.

Sarah is seated in a cheap diner, and she’s clearly uncomfortable with the quality and cleanliness of the establishment. In walks Sarah’s disheveled redhead sister Coco and sits at the next booth over. It was Coco’s idea to meet at this diner, but she still apparently doesn’t want to sit with her sister, at least not until she knows what’s the catch. Sarah and Coco don’t mix. Sarah even accidentally on-purpose had Coco evicted from her last residence, and now Coco is crashing at a friends house.

Sarah admits that she needs a favor from Coco. She explains clumsily that she wants Coco to be a surrogate mother for her baby.

Coco is flabbergasted and appalled. “Did you say I might enjoy it? Enjoy being knocked up with your baby like I’m an incubator? So, I’ll get pregnant—pregnant—as in a living being will be growing inside of me, like Alien.”

“No,” Sarah explains, “not exactly like Alien. It will have a different exit strategy.”

Uh, actually not that different…

“So, I’ll have all the morning sickness. I’ll get fat. I’ll have to go through hours of pain and screaming and sweating. And stretch marks. And I don’t even get to get laid first?”

The tension escalates. Coco is offended at what Sarah must think of Coco’s life, her very existence, that Sarah thinks Coco so much a prole that she would actually go for this. Sarah is offended that Coco has removed herself, has shut herself out of her family’s lives. The two get into a shouting match.

“You have the baby!” Coco yells.

“I can’t have the baby!” Sarah returns.

“Who says you can’t have the baby?!”

“Asherman!”

And as Sarah explains, Coco begins to feel sorry for her sister. Not sorry enough to be part of this strange science experiment. Sarah admits that the whole idea was crazy. She was just desperate and not thinking straight.

As Sarah digs around in her purse for money to pay the bill, a copy of Jezebel James falls out onto the table. Coco recognizes the name of her childhood imaginary friend, and Sarah explains that she hired a writer to write stories using this character, the same character that Coco had created when she was little. Coco keeps the book.

Back at her friend’s house, Coco discovers that her friend’s dog is sick, and she has to share the couch with him. Ugh. She sits and cracks open The True Adventures of Jezebel James and begins reading.

Sarah didn’t even know Coco knew where she worked. But there she was, in the office, looking for Sarah.

They exchange some words we can’t hear. Suddenly, Sarah excitedly embraces her sister. Coco does not push her away but also does not return the embrace. Sarah grabs her sister’s arms and poses them into a hug.